In the recent months I've done a lot of thinking. Maybe even too much.
But during this time of "over-thinking" I've started to discover more of what I want to do and the things I want to strive towards.
Being in the position that I am, financially unable to support myself and currently not attending any formal sort of schooling, has made me feel a bit lost. It's not that I didn't know what I wanted to do and it suddenly hit me, but more so I've begun to think of what I need to do to reach these goals. And a part of that is letting myself become more and more, well myself.
To make that less confusing, I want to understand myself more. Really delve deep into my creativity and imagination, learning how to express myself raw and true to everyone around me. And I'm already trying to do just that with the things I've been working on. Writing my novel, creating an Instagram feed that fits me, and other projects I am planning for the future, all in the hopes of inspiring those who follow my content.
Yet, somehow I feel as if I'm falling short of this. Whether it's true or not, what I put out there doesn't always feel like me.
So we come back around to the "over-thinking". The never ending cycle of figuring myself out and how to reach the goals I've made, all while being completely genuine.
Let me tell you, it's not easy.
But looking back in retrospect has made me even more ambitious for the future. The "over-thinking" has opened my eyes, so to speak.
And what I've realized is that I need to be more open to the opportunities around me. Yes I want to write novels, but why can't I explore other forms of writing? Yes I want to create a better Instagram feed, but how else can I utilize the platform? Yes I want to do more modeling, so am I not reaching out to do so?
These are just some of the thoughts that have gone through my mind during this time. And looking beyond just those, there's business opportunities all around me. Ideas that I've come up with that I haven't explored more.
But why? It's frustrating that I know the answer to this. Stress, pressure, lacking confidence in my ability. All things that have made me put things off. For this reason I realized I need to discover and understand myself better in order to put stress, pressure, lack of confidence, and negativity behind me and just freely be me. And I plan to do just this because why wait any longer?
Now onto the Future Plans
Maybe you're curious, or maybe you don't care, but I've gone on and on about my "over-thinking" and still haven't talked about these ideas and plans for the future.
Now I won't share everything right now, for a sense of surprise and anticipation of course, but there are still things we can talk about.
One namely being my novel. In fact, I am currently meeting with an editor who wishes to help me in my dream to publish my book. And whether she can make that dream possible or not, it's a step in the right direction. Now I've talked about this a little before so my novel might not seem like a future plan to some of you, but for me it is. Because while I've been focusing on editing the first book, I have 3+ books planned after it. (So let me know if you'd be interested in hearing more about the series or if you have any questions about it! I'd love to share more!)
Second, working on my model portfolio. It's something I've always loved but haven't put a lot of effort into achieving. This includes practicing but also reaching out to those who can help me. I haven't created a team in which we work together, and honestly it's essential to anything you're trying to do. So I'm not putting either off anymore.
Another also involves a form of writing. For the longest time I've only focused on my novels that I haven't explored other areas of writing, when in fact I want to. This includes; short stories, songs, flash fiction, other genres, etc. Some of this I will be putting onto my blog for all of you to read!
As for content made for you guys, I've always been interested in making videos. I have a vision in my mind, one that I want to express and share with you all. Again, I've been putting it off, only creating a few every so often. But some ideas I've had in mind; a playlist video in the form of showcasing the song with the visual vibe it gives me/how it makes me feel, videos from my POV (point of view) of how I see the world, and of course more on beauty and fashion.
But of course I also have to think of jobs. In Paraguay you can't formally work until you're 18, which I haven't been during most of my time there. Even so, for the things I want to do the wage isn't sufficient (please don't be offended. This is just because the cost of living is different compared to some of my future plans.) So this made me feel super lost. Because I hate relying on people for money but didn't have a good way of making any. And then I had a conversation with my mom (if you're reading this ma I love you.) that people need my skills, online. We had talked about remote jobs before but I never really considered them for myself. But being bilingual, having a way with words, both have significance in the online community. So as a future plan I will (finally) be looking for an online job.
And saving the last for best, let's just say I have future travel plans...
If you have any questions feel free to contact me! I am always willing to talk and make new friends!